Dating in the Tinder-verse

Recently a story went viral about a poor woman getting stuck in a window while on a Tinder date. This girl had gone home with her date and had discovered after pooing in his toilet that the thing would not flush. In an act of pure desperation she grabbed the offending feces and through it out the window. This part of the story would be funny enough as is but it gets better/worse. The window did not lead to the outside as per the norm but in fact was closed in by a separate window. At this point admitting defeat she bravely fessed up to her date what she had done. Rather than being horrified he suggested that they try to get the poo out…together. After several attempts to reach it the girl suggested that she climb down between the window panes as she was an ex-gymnast and could probably reach it –  she couldn’t. She became stuck and it was at this point her date had to call the fire-brigade to come and rescue her by shattering the glass of the outside window. This amazing tale came to public attention after the pair had decided to crowd-fund for a new window.
As unbelievable and cringe-worthy as this story is, there is something admirable about the way both parties acted in such a ridiculous situation. If they do end up together (here’s hoping) they will have a fantastic cute-meet story to tell their children.

My experiences of Tinder have not been quite as exciting or as hopeful…so far.

In this day and age it seems that we are left with few ways of meeting people. If we are not lucky enough to have a wide circle of friends who themselves have lots of single friends than it can be really hard to meet anyone. You could try going to a bar but this generally does not end up anywhere except in one-night-stand territory.

So instead we turn to the land of dating sites and apps. Everyone seems to be on them and so you either join them or give up altogether probably.

The problem with apps like Tinder is that you have little information to go by. There are a couple of photos, perhaps a short blurb and if you are lucky potentially you can see their Spotify choices but that’s it.

When you do match with someone and begin chatting it usually goes one of two ways. The first is the boring but unavoidable small talk chat about how their day, week/end, life is going. While a perfectly reasonable way to begin a conversation, these often don’t lead anywhere as with so little to go on the conversation can often die before it has really begun with either or both parties losing interest. The second way is that one person will have either some witty open liner to get the conversation going or they will find some element of the other’s profile to ask about and the conversation will immediately be a little more interesting. Failing that they can just send a GIF which works equally well.

If you can get past this initiation period you will then need to work out whether you would prefer to just meet and see if this has any future or continue speaking to them and gathering more information.

When I started on Tinder I thought that the second option was best, collecting as much information as physically possible before deciding whether to meet up in person was the way to go. The problem I learned from doing it this way is that some people are great via message but less so in person. With so little to draw from you start to develop an idea of this person in your mind which often comes crashing down when you actually meet them and realise that who you thought they were actually doesn’t exist.
These days if I find that the initial conversation has gone well and there are no obvious red flags I will elect to meet up and avoid spending too much energy on the message banter.

It becomes clear very quickly once you meet someone whether this thing has legs or not. And it is usually sans legs.

I’ve been lucky so far in the fact that I haven’t really had any truly awful dates. Usually they will just be awkward, or conversation will be slow. You’ll realise that while you’d rather spend your weekends socialising with friends at restaurants or wine bars they would rather be dancing for 24 hours at some rail-house dance party.

Sometimes you will learn very quickly that this thing has no future at all when they tell you that they support Trump and will then launch into a diatribe about how we need to close the borders to anyone who is not white and rich, at which point you will suddenly have something very important that needs doing and get the hell out of there.

But usually it will just be that you both know that this is not a match.

The worst though is when you think it is going really well while for the other person perhaps it isn’t. You meet someone who you connect with straight away, the conversation flows and you seem to have so much in common. You organise a second date and again things just seem to flow and then.. you Never Hear From Them Again. You don’t know whether your interpretation of things is way off, or whether they have been abducted by aliens but suddenly they just disappear and you are left questioning every element of the date in the hopes somewhere in there will lie a clue to the radio silence. This last scenario needs a little down time afterwards as you recover from the rejection and mend your faith in basic truths and humanity. But at some point you have to get back on the horse and learn to swipe again.

It’s a tricky world out their in the Tinder-verse and when you are working with such superficial beginnings in such a throw-away world, it can be hard to navigate the delicate rules of this weird place and not become dis-heartened. Ultimately though I think the best way to manage it is to not take anything too seriously and remember it could always be worse, you could be the girl who got stuck in a window trying to retrieve her poo.




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